Sometimes, 

You don’t want to tell people that you’re not fifty yet and you already have all these health problems,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that you’ve had a fight with your mom,

And when you had a panic attack,

She walked away,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that you can’t turn to your best friend,

Because you don’t get emotional like that,

And because she believes a few good laughs will piece together your heart,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that you are failing classes,

Don’t know where you’re going,

Or if you’ll ever get anywhere,

Sometimes, 

You don’t want to tell people about how much you hurt your mom,

Or how you never feel good enough in your dad eyes,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that your best friend is moving away,

The only friend that makes you feel beautiful,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that your brother is leaving for college,

That the first time he went to a new school he didn’t tell anyone about you,

And by college, you think even he won’t remember you exist,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that your grandpa had a stroke and is sick,

And being seven thousand miles away,

There’s nothing you can do but cry,

Sometimes, 

You don’t want to tell people that you have had a eating disorder,

Or that you never felt like it counted because you weren’t too skinny to begin with,

That you thought it was okay because you were truly ugly,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people that you have thought about killing yourself, 

And the only thing that keeps you here is knowing the pain you’ll cause your loved ones,

But that sometimes you don’t know if you cause them more pain here than if you were gone,

Sometimes,

You don’t want to tell people you want to run away,

Into the arms of some one who will love you, Or that you’ll settle for just anyone who will hold you,

Because sometimes,

You just want to be held,

Without saying anything at all.

“Booty Call.”

She called it.

“Isn’t that friends with benefits do? Stop seeing each other when they see another prospective relationship…”

“Yeah, but.. you know we’re more than that…”

“Right, right…”

And I believed it. Kind of. Maybe? At least, I thought I did…

“Of course it’s going to be hard, I mean, you’re comfortable.” 

… Comfortable? Is that really the only reason I’m staying? No… I love him, right? He makes me… happy? Why was everything suddenly a question? Asked two months ago and I would have rambled for hours on why I loved him. That I wasn’t just comfortable. That he made me happy. 

I suppose I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been feeling this uncertainty building for a while. But I tried to shake it off. I tried to convince myself it was just the current situation that made me feel that way. During any couple’s fight, they think “Fuck this. Fuck that.” but once the initial anger wears off… you realize you’re trying to fight off how you really feel. You still love them.

So I went to see you that night. And you hugged me. It felt different. Like I should feel something… but I didn’t. You were so clearly trying to make everything okay. But it wasn’t. And it wouldn’t be. 

You kissed me. And I thought I could stand there and kiss you forever. But any which way I tried to pull you closer to me… it wasn’t enough. Nothing made up for the emotional distance I felt. But we still did what we do… ‘Maybe it’ll be okay,’ I thought, ‘after this, he’ll hold me close and I’ll feel it.’ But you didn’t. And I didn’t. So I tried to play. Laughing always makes us closer. Or it used to. 

Laying there, I ran my hand across my hips. Faint, but you could still feel the ridges. I wanted to pull your hand over them… I wanted you to say something. To see the care and concern in your face. But I didn’t. 

Pulling my clothes on, I stopped half way and laughed.

“I feel like I’m going to cry.”

You, as usual, didn’t understand. Do I really hide it that well… all of this? Impossible. You must know. How did you not? It was so obvious to me…

So we stood at the door. I took your hand in my mine. Flipped it over. Nothing. I took the other one. Also nothing… What was I missing?

“Having fun inspecting me?”

“No…”

Again, you pulled me in. It didn’t change what I just realized. So I laughed. And a couple times more. You kept looking down at yourself. 

“Stop laughing at me.”

But I couldn’t, I knew if I did, I’d cry. As you looked down, I stared at your eyes, hoping you’d look up and see my eyes tearing. Instead, you heard a noise and disappeared inside. 

And I’m over it.

(Source: lovequotesrus)

(Source: lovequotesrus)

(Source: lovequotesrus)

(Source: lovequotesrus)

(Source: lovequotesrus)

(Source: lovequotesrus)

(Source: anditslove)